DEAR MEN, LOVE BREEDS SUBMISSION

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

I want to talk to you. I have been trying so hard to ignore the push to talk to you but at this very crucial time, it will be suicidal not to talk to you. I really do not know if I am qualified to talk to you seeing that I have just been married for a little over five years while our relationship is officially ten years, our friendship is sixteen years. However, you do not stand at a loss if you choose to read this piece.

I congratulate you for holding your peace this long. It’s crazy living in an environment like ours. I understand perfectly what you are going through and I am optimistic that very soon, we will overcome. It’s just a matter of time.

Let me start by saying, whenever you decide to marry, be very watchful of men that sings submission like an anthem. A real man will emphasize Love before emphasizing Submission. In truth, Love breeds Submission. Love in its purest form. Love, exactly like how Jesus loved us and died for us. A man who loves you will see himself in you. He won’t hurt. He won’t think he’s doing you a favour by helping you out because he knows he’s helping himself out. He will respect you because he knows it automatically means respecting himself. He will fight for you, protect you, enable you to succeed and cheer you on.

He won’t bring you down, he won’t break your spirit, he won’t speak negatively of/about you, and he won’t abuse you physically and emotionally. He will act as a shoulder for you to fall on. In him, you will have peace. Complete peace to be YOU, without any form of pretense or fear.

DO. NOT. LET. ANY. HUMAN. DEFINE. YOUR. HAPPINESS.

I have read horrible things online and chief among is the popular phrase from some misogynist about women who have a voice. I am a woman with a voice. People who know me well will tell you my voice in the physical is not compared to what I write online. However, my voice has never been the reason why I suffered any misfortune either in relationship or marriage. I know a lot of singles are trying to hide their true self. Maybe if I act so quiet and unassuming, maybe I can get a man who will marry me… 

The society has played a major role in throwing all the blames at the women’s feet. It’s vile, filled with male-supremacist and it doesn’t encourage women to be true to themselves. You will have to constantly swim against the tide to get ashore and I must confess to you that it’s worth every stroke and flap.

DEAR MEN, LOVE BREEDS SUBMISSION

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

I want to talk to you. I have been trying so hard to ignore the push to talk to you but at this very crucial time, it will be suicidal not to talk to you. I really do not know if I am qualified to talk to you seeing that I have just been married for a little over five years while our relationship is officially ten years, our friendship is sixteen years. However, you do not stand at a loss if you choose to read this piece.

I congratulate you for holding your peace this long. It’s crazy living in an environment like ours. I understand perfectly what you are going through and I am optimistic that very soon, we will overcome. It’s just a matter of time.

Let me start by saying, whenever you decide to marry, be very watchful of men that sings submission like an anthem. A real man will emphasize Love before emphasizing Submission. In truth, Love breeds Submission. Love in its purest form. Love, exactly like how Jesus loved us and died for us. A man who loves you will see himself in you. He won’t hurt. He won’t think he’s doing you a favour by helping you out because he knows he’s helping himself out. He will respect you because he knows it automatically means respecting himself. He will fight for you, protect you, enable you to succeed and cheer you on.

He won’t bring you down, he won’t break your spirit, he won’t speak negatively of/about you, and he won’t abuse you physically and emotionally. He will act as a shoulder for you to fall on. In him, you will have peace. Complete peace to be YOU, without any form of pretense or fear.

DO. NOT. LET. ANY. HUMAN. DEFINE. YOUR. HAPPINESS.

I have read horrible things online and chief among is the popular phrase from some misogynist about women who have a voice. I am a woman with a voice. People who know me well will tell you my voice in the physical is not compared to what I write online. However, my voice has never been the reason why I suffered any misfortune either in relationship or marriage. I know a lot of singles are trying to hide their true self. Maybe if I act so quiet and unassuming, maybe I can get a man who will marry me… 

The society has played a major role in throwing all the blames at the women’s feet. It’s vile, filled with male-supremacist and it doesn’t encourage women to be true to themselves. You will have to constantly swim against the tide to get ashore and I must confess to you that it’s worth every stroke and flap.

I need to convince you that If Joseph hadn’t spoken his dreams out, maybe his brothers wouldn’t have sold him to Egypt and maybe he wouldn’t have become an international leader. His voice brought him out there to the wolves and his uprightly took him to the throne. If David hadn’t spoken out about his strength and ability to conquer Goliath it would have taken him years to get that same opportunity.

Do not let any man stop you from attaining your goals, achieving your dreams and breaking new grounds. Do not say because you are single, you will not drive a good car, wear a nice cloth and build your own house. Your own man, whom God has ordained for you, will not be intimidated by your success of how big your dreams are. Instead, he will support you and constantly push you to achieve more. You will know it’s him if you are patient and watchful because behind every calculated acts of Love, truth will form like a cloud. Only the patient and reasonable will see.

Don’t let the constant and continuous chauvinistic thoughts or societal pressure push you to make the wrong move. If you have waited this far then, you have no point going for a left-over. There are left-overs among men, Do not marry a Male liability.

(c) Mide Pearl 2016

USA MADE OVER $10,000,000 FROM NIGERIA THROUGH REJECTED VISA APPLICATION

This report from the USA government shows that Nigerians contributed over $10,000,000 to the growing economy of USA through rejected nonimmigrant visa application medium.

Compared to other African countries, Nigerians lead the packs with more than 70% as against Ghana, the next contender. It's pathetic to say the least that young and vibrant Nigerians are leaving in droves to seek greener pastures in other countries. A lot hides under the umbrella of education and vacation to leave the country knowing fully well that they do not intend to come back to Nigeria.

SHERIFF SHITTU: SOMETIMES, THE ROAD GETS FOGGY

Sheriff has experiences spanning years and he worked with the industry leaders. It's so unfortunate that he's closing down showroom.ng

12 Years a hustler, time to go home

I’m exhausted; it’s been roller coaster for the past 12 years having started my first startup then and ever since, it’s been from one to the other.

I really felt I could succeed, I have read the right books, the right blogs, draft right business plan and but in execution I have fallen short. Maybe it’s time to change things a little, something is quite wrong I think.

The height of it was last year end, business was doing fairly well then everything started crashing. Somehow I survived the robbery at gun point in the middle and rally round to try to make things work, but getting worse and every now and then the thought will always come around, what if it all ends here? What if I just have an accident right now (while driving home at 11pm on third mainland bridge)? Maybe it was law of attraction but somehow I had an accident but in the daytime when I didn’t think about it.

I launched showroom.ng almost 2yrs now and within months with all the permutation (maybe strategy) we were on a super roll, the dream roll. I think personally I wasn’t introspective enough as I was just riding with the tide. That’s super wrong for a CEO, “you don’t just work in your company you work on it”, so they say. I only read it, I didn’t live it.

I personally won’t attribute the failure to wrong market, or wrong product. It was a wrong execution.

Maybe this will help

1.      Weak domain expertise: we don’t have that in our team, inasmuch as I tried to learn on the fly, this will fucking take years of learning, practice before charging people. I had personally underwrote mistakes from partner or staff 100%, just so you could make customers happy, but resources are limited we do not have that much and our products are heavy items.

2.      Speed: the edge a startup has over bigger company is suppose to be speed, yeah for a couple of our products we were fast but for so many we were terribly late. Building features, making user experience superb is not my strength, I’m ninja but in the team we didn’t have either or could afford one.

3.      Team setup; success of any endeavor have a lot of tie to the people behind it. Looking back, I’d selected those with; domain expertise, better work ethic (than myself) and complimentary strength.

THE MAN, HIS DOG AND A NAME - LESSONS TO LEARN

The story of Joachim Iroko aka Joe is an unfortunate one. It’s a story of every Nigerian who has no authority or power. It’s our everyday experience in the hands of someone better connected than us. It’s our struggle against the tyranny and oppression from the affluent. It’s symbolizes how our voice can be drown in the ocean of law. It’s a pathetic story of every one of us.

Joe is an average Nigerian, a Nigerian that struggles everyday to put foods on his family table. He has a wife and a kid and he’s expecting another beautiful addition anytime soon. His living condition is not one to be proud of. He’s simply struggling. Struggling to make ends meet, in a country that is flowing with milk and honey but haunted by corruption and poverty.

Joe, like every one of us is angry; angry with the system and the past failures of our leaders. You know, Poverty breeds anger. As a matter of truth, a lot of people are anger has its roots from poverty. People are angry because there are meals to be paid for and there is no money, angry because the school fees are fast approaching and there is no money. We all are racing against time in a country that frustrates every attempt to break even except you are highly connected.

Joe has a neighbor. A non-Nigerian whose father’s name is BUHARI. Joe’s neighbor is not far-away from him. They share the same floor in his rented face-me-I face-you apartment. Without anybody telling us, we can deduce that Joe has been having constant issues with his neighbor. Joe bought a dog and named it Buhari.

His neighbor was angry and he connived with his friend a police officer to arrest Joe. Joe was charged with criminally punishable offence described as “conduct likely to cause breach of peace”. He was remanded in prison until he can perfect his bail bonds.

Reactions from Nigerians followed on social media and print media. A lot of people are angry. People are screaming for his release. It’s been a week full of activities from the pro and anti Joe’s judgment. Unfortunately, despite the whole hullaballoo, the man, Joe, at the middle of this drama is still cooling off in prison. His pregnant wife is an emotional wreck.

There are many lessons to learn from this rather unfortunate but avoidable drama.

I must elaborate on the fact that If you are an average Nigerian with little or no influence from a known authority, you must learn to act in ways that will not bring you in contact with troubles. A lot of times, we know that the just suffers unjustly because they have no voice and we should avoid every means to be in such situation.

• The provision of the law is sovereign and at the same time, the law is blind. If Joe’s lawyer was able to prove to the court that Joe’s action was not premeditated and he didn’t act in a manner worthy of causing chaos, Joe’s wouldn’t be in the cell. Unfortunately, Joe’s doesn’t even have the means to hire a lawyer.

The Rise of Anthonia Alasa Ojenagbon and Silton Kitchen.

• A recipient of Federal Government Youwin Initiative
• Tony Elumelu Entrepreneurship Programme
• She has featured in several Newsprints both locally and internationally.
• She is an advocate of NO To RAPE and the Founder of Bruised But Not Broken. A social cause that speaks against abuse and rape. She survived Rape from a close relative at an early age and that has not stopped her from launching forward.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Read a little about her journey here, in her WORDS.

I am still celebrating Pepperlicious Snails because Pepperlicious Snails and l have come a long way.

Weeks ago life happened again but through it all l am grateful to still be around. Yes, grateful I am still around. When l got the message from Marketing Ministers UK about this award, l didn't know how to express my emotions. Here I am thanking God I am still here, and now this... Hmmn!

I tried to write but didn't know what to write or remember what to write. But in the place of prayer two days ago everything l had forgotten came and dear Lord, you know I am grateful. ‪#‎ObuluJesu

Let me tell you about this darling called Pepperlicious Snails ready to eat. When l started selling snails’ l got lots of encouragement from my class mates at Pan Atlantic University CEM 11 but l didn't think about what would happen after the programme. I thought the patronage would continue, but how wrong I was.

Alas, it was not so. I got so frustrated in my effort to market, l tried all the marketing methods l knew and just everything seem to work against me, of course l became depressed, crying daily became the order of the day, l just wanted to be useful, every day my husband will beg me to keep hope alive, Sylvester will tell Tonia there is greatness inside of you, l will make snails and give out for free so people could just taste and know it’s delicious, l started selling Sunday Jollof rice after services on Sunday, some people will order and will never collect it, they won’t pick their calls, l will be forced to give out the rice, because l am a very creative and restless person, l begged my husband to pay for a new course l went to learn shoe and bag making, l even got a certificate for it.

But you see there is a God who is all knowing .A merciful God who is the father of the fatherless and Helper of the helpless. The God who makes a way where there is no way. The God who sits in Heaven and makes the earth His footstool. The Agbanilagbatan.

In 2012 the federal government program Youwin was for only women, 1200 women were going to be selected from all the geo political zones of Nigeria to get grant to fund their businesses, God in His infinite mercy decided that Pepperlicious snails’ business plan was one of the 1200 finalist. I cannot describe the shock that followed. How can this be possible, 1200 women from the whole Nigeria and my name made the list. How when l don’t know anybody in power, when l don’t have any rich uncle, Immediately l heard my name was among the finalists l started crying and my husband says to me Tonia you should be happy but l was just crying. My joy knew no bound, my tears were wiped away, l didn't have to beg again before my snails were bought. All of a sudden this girl Tonia was intelligent after all.

AFTER MAYOWA AHMED, WHO IS NEXT?

Mayowa’s journey has brought us back to the realization that it’s a long way home. It’s a case that has shown us time and again that we have failed. We have failed as a nation. The news that Mayowa died in a South-African hospital is enough to make us reflect over what our health system has turned into.

Living with sickle-cell is a nightmare on its own. This nightmare often leads to depression in a country like Nigeria. In Nigeria, Most sickle-cell patients’ use over-the-counter analgesics to relieve their pains during crisis because it’s affordable. Government hospitals are lackadaisical when it comes to promptness in attending to patients and privately-owned hospitals are expensive for the average Nigerian. The reason is not far-fetched, the monthly minimum wage for a working Nigeria is less than $70.

Mayowa’s case was an unfortunate one. A case that explains an average Nigerian mindset. A mindset of superstitious and erroneous belief. A mindset that discourages people coming out early to seek for help. Sick people are kept far away by families and relatives. Illnesses are covered up until it becomes unmanageable. The secrecy and attitude of Nigerians to issues concerning health has corroborated the fact that we are still not done with archaic mentalities.

The health system too is completely gone. 

We have no health infrastructure that can detect the simplest of all ailments. The few government hospitals that have these facilities are faced with hundreds of people who are waiting to use the facilities despite the tormenting bureaucracies they have to follow. Dying patients who are calm enough to withstand all hurdles placed by those who are employed and paid by government to manage the facilities are in millions. People are making fortune out of other's predicaments. Humanity is gone and Empathy has been thrown to the dogs.

In the midst of all these, we saw Mayowa, a lady, who fought sickle-cell gallantly for more than twenty years. Except, you take a second look, you won’t know she was a sickle-cell patient. She comes across as someone who enjoys the advantage of a modest family with not-so-much wealth but enough to take care of their needs. Her sickle-cell was managed perfectly by her family until Cancer came knocking.

Her woes were compounded by the terrible state of our healthcare system. For a long time, ovarian cancer was diagnosed as Ulcer. I have seen and read worse things but hers is a mistake that we shouldn’t even be making in 2016. How on earth can a hospital diagnosed cancer as ulcer? So for a very long time, hospitals were billing her family on the premise that she was suffering from ulcer. By the time it was clear that it wasn’t ulcer but ovarian cancer, it was too late. The cancer has metastasized.

I can be so sure that while the whole issues was going on, several people told them to go to churches, mosques and other places to seek help. They would have been duped by fake miracle pastors and Imams. Mayowa would have been made to drink different concoctions all in the name of supernatural healing and just like every mortal who is afraid of death; she would have obliged and struggled with death to stay alive.

THE NIGERIAN EMPLOYER: DISGUISED SLAVERY

The unspoken words of bitterness and slavery still exist among us. Most times, we equate slavery with skin colours and racial divides but, the real slavery is when you treat people below you with disdain. Slavery is not a function of grammar; it’s an act of suppression. An act of maltreating people who have no power to fight back or no will to do so.

Nigerian employers are the worst slave masters. Well, maybe not all but significantly few. However, you can not completely exonerate the Nigerian employee who allow such situations in the first place. There is fear in the land. The fear of not having a job. The fear of losing the job you have and people have knowingly and unknowingly allowed shitty situations and acts from others due to this

I have once worked in a company where I was told that the MD would defecate and call his secretary, a young lady, to flush the toilet. Wait a minute, how on earth can you use the toilet, and find it so hard to flush it off. A task that won’t take you more than 1seconds.

This lady was a victim of verbal assault from her boss. I have witnessed it more than once. I still don’t understand how someone will allow another to degrade and dehumanize them verbally because of a JOB. No way.

There are some things I can’t take. Unfortunately that is me. I am a micro compared to the macro version that abounds. I speak my truth and I own it. I don’t fret. I don’t care. For me, I can pick a job today and resign the next day. I am not conditioned to stay in a job forever. When you take my CV, the first thing you will see under my attribute section is Happiness. My happiness on the job is paramount. If I am not happy doing that job then, I am out.

So I got an invite two years ago with a popular oil Company. If you know me well enough, you will know I have never shy away from my love for oil companies. The only place I dread is a bank. I can’t do bank jobs. No way. I’m not built for the stress in that place. It’s for some special lots.

My referrer for the oil and gas job was the CTO of the company. He stumbled on my profile on LinkedIn and sent me a message to drop my CV because he would like to work with me. I was elated. Immediately, I sent the CV.

A week later, I got the invite. The first interview went well except that everybody wanted to know how I knew the CTO. I told them plainly, I have never met him. However, I have his phone number and how I got his number is another story. I remembered when I called him to request for his email address, he asked how I got his number. I told him and he responded by saying, if you can get my phone number, you can get my email. I think I should be careful with you…. Did I get his email?  Yes I Did.

The second stage of the interview was okay until we got to the last stage or whatever stage they want to call it. The interviewer ushered me into a nicely furnished mini-conference room. He told me how impressed he was with my previous interviews then he started his questions. He asked, If I can make tea for the CTO.

I've Worked For Two Billionaires. Here's What I Learned From Them

I have spent decades “being educated” – in college, graduate school, numerous professional certifications, and now a PhD program. All of that schooling and training helped shape the person I am today, but at no point in my life  has there been a more profound education than my time working for Enver Yucel andOprah Winfrey.

Enver and Oprah are two extraordinary people. And on top of that, they’re both billionaires. On the surface, they appear to be totally different people. They are in different industries, have different family structures, practice different religions, and speak different languages. However, once you get past their written biographies and dig deeper, you will notice they possess many of the same successful habits.

I had the opportunity to work with both Oprah and Enver for 6 years collectively and those were, hands down, the best professional experiences of my life. I worked my ass off for them and in doing so absorbed everything I could.

It’s my honor to share with you what I learned from them. Here is Part 1 of the 20 successful habits I learned working for two billionaires:

1) Invest in Yourself

This is a very simple concept, but something you would think someone who has “made it” would stop doing. Not at all for these two. I saw them both spend a significant amount of time dedicating their resources to self-development (whether it be a new language, exercise, social media classes, etc). The moment you stop investing in yourself is the moment you have written off future dividends in life.

2) Be Curious…About Everything

What the average person sees as mundane or overly complicated is not viewed the same way with a billionaire mindset. I once had a 30 minute conversation with Enver about the height of the curbs in Washington DC versus Istanbul, Turkey.  Billionaires are incredibly curious; what the rest of the world thinks is a problem and complains about — that’s what these people go and work on.

3) Surround Yourself With “Better” People

I hope this is why they kept me around. Seriously, I never knew my bosses to keep anyone less-than-stellar in their inner circle. There were many times I thought to myself, “Damn, they have dream-teams built around them.” Jim Rohn had it right, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

4) Never Eat Alone

The last time I had dinner with Enver, as well as the last time I ate dinner with Oprah, there were easily 15 people at our tables, respectively. Coincidence? While most of us derive our key information from blogs or the newspaper, power players get their information from the source (other power players), directly. However, just because you can’t call up the Obamas and break bread with them doesn’t mean eating with others in your circle doesn’t carry value. In one of my favorite reads of the last few years called Never Eat Alone author Keith Ferrazzi breaks down how you can identify “information brokers” to dine with you.  I’ve seen first hand how enormous the benefits are of this strategy.

5) Take Responsibility For Your Losses

I was working for Oprah during the time she was taking heat from the media about poor network ratings. I was also working for Enver during the closing of one of his prized divisions. What I witnessed them both do in response was powerful. Opposed to covering the losses up with fancy PR tactics, both stepped to the stage and said in essence “I own it and I’m going to fix it” and dropped the mic. Guess what?  They sure did fix things (It’s widely noted Oprah’s network is realizing ratings gold and Enver’s assets have probably doubled since the division closing).

A GOOD TEACHER CAN NEVER BE FORGOTTEN

Following the recent uproar about the Queen’s College Biology teacher who was accused of sleeping with innocent female students, I went down memory lane. No, it’s not actually a memory lane. It’s something I remember every day. Something I had wanted to write about for years but I just told myself “zip it”

I want us to pick out two lessons from this story. Firstly, parents shouldn’t even think their kids are too young to feel something fantastic about someone. Parents should know that there is no age limit to infatuate about people. Finally, there are still good, incorruptible teachers out there. Teachers that are bound by oaths to protect the wards in their care. I met one and I’m forever grateful.

Let me deviate a little bit. Most of the cases of the kidnapped girls we have around (like Ese Oruru and the likes) also stem from the facts that parents are not doing what they are meant to do. Parents are guardians and they should by all means be a monitoring spirits over their kids especially when they are still growing. Poverty shouldn’t be the reason for allowing your child to have unnecessary rights and privileges. Apart from the kids who were raped by strangers and complete mad people, 85% of rapes cases, forced marriages and kidnap are perpetrated by people known to the families of the victims. Negligence is playing a lot of roles in what we see today. Parents should brace up and do their part.

I was opportune to have some privileges as a growing child. One of them is attending a private Nursery and primary school, one of the best in my state back then. That rare opportunity afforded me everything I needed to build on later in life. Coupled with this; I had the best teachers any child could ever wished for. I am most grateful. Of all the teachers, one stood out. Uncle Sola my first crush.

As a child, barely 7 years old, I really didn’t know anything about love or infatuation or whatever you call it but one thing I know for sure, I really LIKE uncle sola. He was my teacher in primary four but even before he became my teacher, I had always Like him. Funny as it might sound, Uncle sola likes me in return. Ours was mutual. Mutual LIKENESS.

He picked up interest in me from when I was in primary 2, right before he became my teacher and sincerely, it was pure, brotherly, undiluted, unstained, agape love. I was so close to him as a child to the extent that in the absence of other students, I call him by name. (Now, I know Ayodeji will say Yippee, I said it)

Uncle Sola is unarguably handsome, neat and from a rich home. Rumour has it that his mother didn’t want him to pick up the teaching job but he ignored her and went ahead to pick up the job. He was a good teacher.

I always wait for him to resume every morning as I stay glued to the barbed fence to catch a glimpse of this handsome, finely built young man. I was barely 7 years old. He walks in a way I cannot describe. His smile can melt the stony hearts and his skin; you don’t have to look for Ramsey Noah again.

What most students didn’t know was that, as I wait to catch a glimpse of him, he was always ready to see me too. He would walk gently to my side and say good morning brainy. Those words were the things I needed. I could live my life on them.

As I got promoted to primary four, needless to say that from my primary 2 through primary 3 I had female’s teachers who feel the same level of love towards me. I was always clinching the first position except for primary 1 because I had a double promotion from Nursery 1 so I skipped Nursery 2 and it was hard coping with the rest of the class immediately.

Primary 4 was my best year so far. First, because uncle sola was going to be my teacher and he had told me on several occasions how he can’t wait to have me in his class. I feel the same way too. Unfortunately, I was meant to leave for JSS1 from Primary 3 but Uncle Sola was among the chief protesters who told my father I was too young for such leap.

Primary 4 came quickly and I was right there in Uncle Sola’s class. My best year ever. I sincerely wish we have more teachers like uncle sola in this country. Well, maybe to me, I saw in him a perfect gentleman. The first thing he did was that he made sure my table was directly beside his own. He monitors my work, progress and development as if I was his little Sister. Despite the fact that I take my lunch to school, I still get to eat from his food. He doesn’t eat without leaving some for me.

Then one day, I had an issue with him. Anytime he gives me food to eat, he expects that I use his spoon. Without wanting to sound too picky, I hate saliva with a passion. I don’t do saliva with people and that started from my early age. So, I normally exchange his spoon with mine every time before eating his food until I was caught.