Dear Nigerian Single Lady,
I want to talk to you. I have been trying so hard to ignore the push to talk to you but at this very crucial time, it will be suicidal not to talk to you. I really do not know if I am qualified to talk to you seeing that I have just been married for a little over five years while our relationship is officially ten years, our friendship is sixteen years. However, you do not stand at a loss if you choose to read this piece.
I congratulate you for holding your peace this long. It’s crazy living in an environment like ours. I understand perfectly what you are going through and I am optimistic that very soon, we will overcome. It’s just a matter of time.
Let me start by saying, whenever you decide to marry, be very watchful of men that sings submission like an anthem. A real man will emphasize Love before emphasizing Submission. In truth, Love breeds Submission. Love in its purest form. Love, exactly like how Jesus loved us and died for us. A man who loves you will see himself in you. He won’t hurt. He won’t think he’s doing you a favour by helping you out because he knows he’s helping himself out. He will respect you because he knows it automatically means respecting himself. He will fight for you, protect you, enable you to succeed and cheer you on.
He won’t bring you down, he won’t break your spirit, he won’t speak negatively of/about you, and he won’t abuse you physically and emotionally. He will act as a shoulder for you to fall on. In him, you will have peace. Complete peace to be YOU, without any form of pretense or fear.
DO. NOT. LET. ANY. HUMAN. DEFINE. YOUR. HAPPINESS.
I have read horrible things online and chief among is the popular phrase from some misogynist about women who have a voice. I am a woman with a voice. People who know me well will tell you my voice in the physical is not compared to what I write online. However, my voice has never been the reason why I suffered any misfortune either in relationship or marriage. I know a lot of singles are trying to hide their true self. Maybe if I act so quiet and unassuming, maybe I can get a man who will marry me…
The society has played a major role in throwing all the blames at the women’s feet. It’s vile, filled with male-supremacist and it doesn’t encourage women to be true to themselves. You will have to constantly swim against the tide to get ashore and I must confess to you that it’s worth every stroke and flap.
I need to convince you that If Joseph hadn’t spoken his dreams out, maybe his brothers wouldn’t have sold him to Egypt and maybe he wouldn’t have become an international leader. His voice brought him out there to the wolves and his uprightly took him to the throne. If David hadn’t spoken out about his strength and ability to conquer Goliath it would have taken him years to get that same opportunity.
Do not let any man stop you from attaining your goals, achieving your dreams and breaking new grounds. Do not say because you are single, you will not drive a good car, wear a nice cloth and build your own house. Your own man, whom God has ordained for you, will not be intimidated by your success of how big your dreams are. Instead, he will support you and constantly push you to achieve more. You will know it’s him if you are patient and watchful because behind every calculated acts of Love, truth will form like a cloud. Only the patient and reasonable will see.
Don’t let the constant and continuous chauvinistic thoughts or societal pressure push you to make the wrong move. If you have waited this far then, you have no point going for a left-over. There are left-overs among men, Do not marry a Male liability.
(c) Mide Pearl 2016
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