Collins
dictionary define house chores as tasks such
as cleaning, washing,
and ironing that
have to be done regularly at home.
Simply put, house chores are routine work we do at home.
Over
the years, a lot of argument for and against whose duty is to handle house
chores have been discussed among the millennials. In most developed nations,
there seems to be a balance on who handles what however, in Africa a lot of
ladies born in the 70’s downward believes that house chores is not “Her Job”
but “Our job” while those born in the 60’s upward tends to tilt toward the
existing tradition of house chores being “her job”.
The
primordial belief is that house chores is the responsibility of the woman and
that wasn’t too much of a problem back then because the women were known to be
housekeepers while the men were the breadwinners. It was easy for the woman to
do all the chores albeit rather grudgingly. In those days, women were trained
to be seen and not heard and if at all there was any dissatisfaction with the
modalities of task sharing, it would amount to an act of arrogance and
insubordination for a woman to vent out her dissatisfaction. That way, women
bore all the burdens without showing any form of refusal.
As
the years progressed, women became more aware and empowered. Most especially,
women started competing with men academically. In Africa, it took a while for
parents to allow their girl-child to embrace education. Education gave women almost the same
opportunity it gave men. Women can now compete for jobs like men and that gave
them opportunity to work away from home. Unfortunately, while men were a bit
relaxed, believing that they stand a chance to secure majority of the available
white-collar jobs, women work harder and smarter.
The
extra energy exerted by women on their jobs gave them the opportunity to
outshine men. Slowly, employers started offering women leading roles and
because women were shattering the glass ceilings, meeting and exceeding
expectations, promotions was regular and employers were opening their doors to more
women. Currently, we have over 45% of women working as against what was
attainable in the 80’s.
The
effect of this is glaring for all to see. Women are no longer the stay-at-home
mum they used to be. The role of the breadwinner is no longer exclusive to men.
Fortunately for the woman, the economic situation makes it burdensome for only
the man to be the breadwinner. The outcome is what we are experiencing today.
The man and his wife are both working to make ends meet and meet the financial
conditions of the family while the house chores are there, waiting to be
attended to.
Let’s
take a place like Lagos, Nigeria as an example. Commuters spend almost 3-hours
in traffic on a daily basis and this includes both the man and his wife. The woman wakes up early to take care of the
kids and prepare them for school while cooking the morning meal for the family.
The man wakes up to take his bath and await his wife’s breakfast. The
couple dash out to work, face the same challenges at work, gets tired
and worn-out and at home, the wife still drags her tired self to the kitchen to prepare dinner, feed the kids, bathe them
and get them ready to go to bed.
The
man on the other hand, faced with the same work challenges like the wife, got
home tired too, took his evening bath and wait for his wife at the dining
table. After the meal, he retires to bed and expect his wife to meet him for
the conjugal obligation. He needs her touch to soothe him and caress him. The
woman on the other hand, has no one to help out and ease her pain.
Research
shows that people die from stress much more than they die from ailments. Stress
is one of the principal killers of young people. That is why a lot of women are
depressed and they are not even aware. A lot of women are moody, introverted,
unkempt and sad because they are cracking under a heavy burden placed on them
by culture and ancient male-chauvinism.
Sincerely,
I do not think it worthy of my time to argue on if it’s okay for a man to help
out with house chores. It’s more of asking if it’s proper for men to be in the
labour room or if it’s proper for men to help in raising the kids. I believe
that marriage, unlike the lies they sold to us, is not a prison yard for women.
Marriage is not a place where you lose your identity. Marriage is not a place
where you pretend to be a super woman. Marriage is your reality. Marriage
should exude the real you. No pretense, no lies.
Marriage
by all means should be with your friend, who understands what it means to help
out with chores. The truth is, if by luck or chance, we get entangled with a
man who still carries the garbage of male dominance around, we will have no
choice than to bear the brunt of house chores alone.
Basically,
for a learned man, who understands that women are as much human as he’s and
women have limit to which they can bear and tolerate burden, it shouldn’t come
as a request from his woman to help out with the house chores. Naturally, he should
help out.
Furthermore,
we need to constantly remind ourselves as women that whatever we speak ill
against emanate from us. We train the men and we have trained them to believe
that the house chores are for women alone. That is why we can allow our male child
to go and play football while the female child is at home cooking. We need to
start unlearning those wrong beliefs we learnt.
Cooking,
washing clothes, washing plates, ironing, sweeping and every other house chores
were learnt. The female child went through training before mastering them. They
are not virtues, they are not gifts. Just like knowledge, they are learnt,
acquired over time. The female child is not born preconfigured with them. She
learnt them at the feet of someone. The male-child can learn this too.
Chores
are not exclusive to a particular gender. When we take a look at life through
the eyes of humanity, setting aside all arrogance, we will see the need to help
each other. Chores shouldn’t be Her Job, it’s Our Job.
