IS HE CHEATING OR WHEN WILL HE CHEAT?

It’s Friday and I think it's “okay” to discuss this subject matter.

I have heard it uncountable times… They say “all men cheat and if he hasn’t cheated on you yet, just wait, he will still do it”… I must confess, that is some crazy shit.

No matter how “hard or strong or whatever feminine adjective” you want to use, as a woman, it will bug you… Like sometimes, you will ask yourself the question without any hope for an answer… “Will this guy still cheats on me?”

A respected male friend, who is older and have a relationship with God told me once… “Babe, all men cheats”. Sometimes, they do it and snap out of it and never go back and sometimes, they get carried away. So I asked him, Did you at any time cheats on your wife and he answered in the affirmative with a but “I later realized I was wrong and stopped it”

Okay… this morning, I walked up to lehubs to ask him “dude, have you cheated on me since we got married? He looked at me and said “Mide, wo o, it’s too early for your jamb question. I need to go to work. I’m late already” he noticed I wasn’t going to bulge so he said No and you know it’s No so why are you bothering yourself?

Wait a minute, am I actually bothering myself? (A question I ask myself often)

So I asked again, when are you likely going to cheat? Let me know now o so that I can start planning my reaction….he smiled dryly and looked away forming activities… You know I won’t let this go away like that…So I said, you heard me dude…

His response was…”Did Baba Adeboye cheats on his wife? I responded are you Baba Adeboye?

Did Baba Oyedepo cheat on his wife? Are you Oyedepo?

Did Oyakhilome cheat on his wife? See, I don’t like the direction this response is going… Who are you calling next?

Just answer the question Yes or No…. but wait, was I actually waiting for an answer?

Guys can be funny.. Some of you are cheating already and you know it… 

Olorun a wo ola oja oni, ola jimoh, a fi tu asiri yin. Asiri yin ma to tu.

DEAR SINGLE LADY, PROTECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM...

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

PROTECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, YOU WILL NEED IT FOR THE DAYS AHEAD.

This is a real life story. A sad one I will say. When I was in the university, I met a wonderful lady. It was during the registration time and as freshers in the university, a lot of people were at the hall to perfect their registration. I am not one to make friends easily but in the midst of the hustling and bustling, I rested my eyes on a beautiful lady. It was love at first sight. So acting on impulse, I walked up to her. “Hello, I am Olamide”, I told her. Oh, I am Maria (not real name) she replied. Right there,I asked her “Can I be your friend?” and she said “Why not we can be friends”.

...Her intelligence, Innocence, Humility and Friendliness shone from afar. She is a very intelligent lady. A very self-assured lady too.

We became friends and we are still friends. I did almost all the visiting and talks. Well, somehow in my heart deep down, I knew at some point, she got really tired of my friendship. I was obsessed with her and immediately I found out she was getting really tired of our friendship, I backed out to let her breathe well.

Those traits I saw in her the first day were actually a tip of the iceberg. She is a woman full of good virtue. She is nice to a fault, never saying a bad word, careful to hurt people, intelligent, caring, considerate, humble, submissive and a listener.

You know in 100level, a lit bit of dating here and there. We were just admitted to the university and the boys were coming in droves well, maybe not for me but for her. A lot of genuine guys were on her case. She would tell me, I don’t want to get involved. I don’t want to see them. I was always the mediator, always collecting wine and chocolates on her behalf from suitors. She would say, Lammy, please I don’t need this wine because I don’t want to date this guy and it’s morally wrong. I always have an answer for her. Babes, abeg collect am and eat something. Who says you should date them. Just chop and clean mouth. She would insist it was wrong for me to do that… In my mind I was always like, which kind babe be this.

A lot of good guys came along and she just wasn’t interested. Those guys left after a while. By the time we were in 200level, we weren’t that close because her hostel was a mile apart from mine and I was always the one visiting her and… I started dating so the whole stuff was taking my time. You know dating is a lot of work especially if it’s a first time. First time I was dating in my whole life and my friend didn’t like my boyfriend and somehow the feeling is mutual, my boyfriend too didn’t like her so, I just decided to boycott her side to save the friction.

One day, my friend called me. I was already tied down with politics. I was vying for a post in the student union election and I was involved in campaign and all that stress. We were in 200level. Her birthday was coming in weeks and she is celebrating it. Something told me that was a bit unusual so I dug further. “Babe, this is not you. You are a conservative and introverted lady who naturally would not even contemplate marking her birthday in this way. What happened to you?” Then she told me, I am dating Kunle (real name) and he said I must mark my birthday in a big way.

Kunle? Who is Kunle I probed further? Do I know him? She said No, You don’t know him. He’s in my department. I replied, Oh, okay. I need to see him. The day I saw this guy, I knew there was a problem... I don’t like him but who am I to like him. After the party, I told my friend, I don’t like your guy. Then she said “I don’t like your guy too but you didn’t leave him so I think it’s okay like that. I like Kunle”. I shrugged it off. If you are happy then, no wahala.

DEAR MEN, LOVE BREEDS SUBMISSION

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

I want to talk to you. I have been trying so hard to ignore the push to talk to you but at this very crucial time, it will be suicidal not to talk to you. I really do not know if I am qualified to talk to you seeing that I have just been married for a little over five years while our relationship is officially ten years, our friendship is sixteen years. However, you do not stand at a loss if you choose to read this piece.

I congratulate you for holding your peace this long. It’s crazy living in an environment like ours. I understand perfectly what you are going through and I am optimistic that very soon, we will overcome. It’s just a matter of time.

Let me start by saying, whenever you decide to marry, be very watchful of men that sings submission like an anthem. A real man will emphasize Love before emphasizing Submission. In truth, Love breeds Submission. Love in its purest form. Love, exactly like how Jesus loved us and died for us. A man who loves you will see himself in you. He won’t hurt. He won’t think he’s doing you a favour by helping you out because he knows he’s helping himself out. He will respect you because he knows it automatically means respecting himself. He will fight for you, protect you, enable you to succeed and cheer you on.

He won’t bring you down, he won’t break your spirit, he won’t speak negatively of/about you, and he won’t abuse you physically and emotionally. He will act as a shoulder for you to fall on. In him, you will have peace. Complete peace to be YOU, without any form of pretense or fear.

DO. NOT. LET. ANY. HUMAN. DEFINE. YOUR. HAPPINESS.

I have read horrible things online and chief among is the popular phrase from some misogynist about women who have a voice. I am a woman with a voice. People who know me well will tell you my voice in the physical is not compared to what I write online. However, my voice has never been the reason why I suffered any misfortune either in relationship or marriage. I know a lot of singles are trying to hide their true self. Maybe if I act so quiet and unassuming, maybe I can get a man who will marry me… 

The society has played a major role in throwing all the blames at the women’s feet. It’s vile, filled with male-supremacist and it doesn’t encourage women to be true to themselves. You will have to constantly swim against the tide to get ashore and I must confess to you that it’s worth every stroke and flap.

DEAR MEN, LOVE BREEDS SUBMISSION

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

I want to talk to you. I have been trying so hard to ignore the push to talk to you but at this very crucial time, it will be suicidal not to talk to you. I really do not know if I am qualified to talk to you seeing that I have just been married for a little over five years while our relationship is officially ten years, our friendship is sixteen years. However, you do not stand at a loss if you choose to read this piece.

I congratulate you for holding your peace this long. It’s crazy living in an environment like ours. I understand perfectly what you are going through and I am optimistic that very soon, we will overcome. It’s just a matter of time.

Let me start by saying, whenever you decide to marry, be very watchful of men that sings submission like an anthem. A real man will emphasize Love before emphasizing Submission. In truth, Love breeds Submission. Love in its purest form. Love, exactly like how Jesus loved us and died for us. A man who loves you will see himself in you. He won’t hurt. He won’t think he’s doing you a favour by helping you out because he knows he’s helping himself out. He will respect you because he knows it automatically means respecting himself. He will fight for you, protect you, enable you to succeed and cheer you on.

He won’t bring you down, he won’t break your spirit, he won’t speak negatively of/about you, and he won’t abuse you physically and emotionally. He will act as a shoulder for you to fall on. In him, you will have peace. Complete peace to be YOU, without any form of pretense or fear.

DO. NOT. LET. ANY. HUMAN. DEFINE. YOUR. HAPPINESS.

I have read horrible things online and chief among is the popular phrase from some misogynist about women who have a voice. I am a woman with a voice. People who know me well will tell you my voice in the physical is not compared to what I write online. However, my voice has never been the reason why I suffered any misfortune either in relationship or marriage. I know a lot of singles are trying to hide their true self. Maybe if I act so quiet and unassuming, maybe I can get a man who will marry me… 

The society has played a major role in throwing all the blames at the women’s feet. It’s vile, filled with male-supremacist and it doesn’t encourage women to be true to themselves. You will have to constantly swim against the tide to get ashore and I must confess to you that it’s worth every stroke and flap.

I need to convince you that If Joseph hadn’t spoken his dreams out, maybe his brothers wouldn’t have sold him to Egypt and maybe he wouldn’t have become an international leader. His voice brought him out there to the wolves and his uprightly took him to the throne. If David hadn’t spoken out about his strength and ability to conquer Goliath it would have taken him years to get that same opportunity.

Do not let any man stop you from attaining your goals, achieving your dreams and breaking new grounds. Do not say because you are single, you will not drive a good car, wear a nice cloth and build your own house. Your own man, whom God has ordained for you, will not be intimidated by your success of how big your dreams are. Instead, he will support you and constantly push you to achieve more. You will know it’s him if you are patient and watchful because behind every calculated acts of Love, truth will form like a cloud. Only the patient and reasonable will see.

Don’t let the constant and continuous chauvinistic thoughts or societal pressure push you to make the wrong move. If you have waited this far then, you have no point going for a left-over. There are left-overs among men, Do not marry a Male liability.

(c) Mide Pearl 2016