IS HE CHEATING OR WHEN WILL HE CHEAT?

It’s Friday and I think it's “okay” to discuss this subject matter.

I have heard it uncountable times… They say “all men cheat and if he hasn’t cheated on you yet, just wait, he will still do it”… I must confess, that is some crazy shit.

No matter how “hard or strong or whatever feminine adjective” you want to use, as a woman, it will bug you… Like sometimes, you will ask yourself the question without any hope for an answer… “Will this guy still cheats on me?”

A respected male friend, who is older and have a relationship with God told me once… “Babe, all men cheats”. Sometimes, they do it and snap out of it and never go back and sometimes, they get carried away. So I asked him, Did you at any time cheats on your wife and he answered in the affirmative with a but “I later realized I was wrong and stopped it”

Okay… this morning, I walked up to lehubs to ask him “dude, have you cheated on me since we got married? He looked at me and said “Mide, wo o, it’s too early for your jamb question. I need to go to work. I’m late already” he noticed I wasn’t going to bulge so he said No and you know it’s No so why are you bothering yourself?

Wait a minute, am I actually bothering myself? (A question I ask myself often)

So I asked again, when are you likely going to cheat? Let me know now o so that I can start planning my reaction….he smiled dryly and looked away forming activities… You know I won’t let this go away like that…So I said, you heard me dude…

His response was…”Did Baba Adeboye cheats on his wife? I responded are you Baba Adeboye?

Did Baba Oyedepo cheat on his wife? Are you Oyedepo?

Did Oyakhilome cheat on his wife? See, I don’t like the direction this response is going… Who are you calling next?

Just answer the question Yes or No…. but wait, was I actually waiting for an answer?

Guys can be funny.. Some of you are cheating already and you know it… 

Olorun a wo ola oja oni, ola jimoh, a fi tu asiri yin. Asiri yin ma to tu.

DEAR SINGLE LADY, PROTECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM...

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

PROTECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, YOU WILL NEED IT FOR THE DAYS AHEAD.

This is a real life story. A sad one I will say. When I was in the university, I met a wonderful lady. It was during the registration time and as freshers in the university, a lot of people were at the hall to perfect their registration. I am not one to make friends easily but in the midst of the hustling and bustling, I rested my eyes on a beautiful lady. It was love at first sight. So acting on impulse, I walked up to her. “Hello, I am Olamide”, I told her. Oh, I am Maria (not real name) she replied. Right there,I asked her “Can I be your friend?” and she said “Why not we can be friends”.

...Her intelligence, Innocence, Humility and Friendliness shone from afar. She is a very intelligent lady. A very self-assured lady too.

We became friends and we are still friends. I did almost all the visiting and talks. Well, somehow in my heart deep down, I knew at some point, she got really tired of my friendship. I was obsessed with her and immediately I found out she was getting really tired of our friendship, I backed out to let her breathe well.

Those traits I saw in her the first day were actually a tip of the iceberg. She is a woman full of good virtue. She is nice to a fault, never saying a bad word, careful to hurt people, intelligent, caring, considerate, humble, submissive and a listener.

You know in 100level, a lit bit of dating here and there. We were just admitted to the university and the boys were coming in droves well, maybe not for me but for her. A lot of genuine guys were on her case. She would tell me, I don’t want to get involved. I don’t want to see them. I was always the mediator, always collecting wine and chocolates on her behalf from suitors. She would say, Lammy, please I don’t need this wine because I don’t want to date this guy and it’s morally wrong. I always have an answer for her. Babes, abeg collect am and eat something. Who says you should date them. Just chop and clean mouth. She would insist it was wrong for me to do that… In my mind I was always like, which kind babe be this.

A lot of good guys came along and she just wasn’t interested. Those guys left after a while. By the time we were in 200level, we weren’t that close because her hostel was a mile apart from mine and I was always the one visiting her and… I started dating so the whole stuff was taking my time. You know dating is a lot of work especially if it’s a first time. First time I was dating in my whole life and my friend didn’t like my boyfriend and somehow the feeling is mutual, my boyfriend too didn’t like her so, I just decided to boycott her side to save the friction.

One day, my friend called me. I was already tied down with politics. I was vying for a post in the student union election and I was involved in campaign and all that stress. We were in 200level. Her birthday was coming in weeks and she is celebrating it. Something told me that was a bit unusual so I dug further. “Babe, this is not you. You are a conservative and introverted lady who naturally would not even contemplate marking her birthday in this way. What happened to you?” Then she told me, I am dating Kunle (real name) and he said I must mark my birthday in a big way.

Kunle? Who is Kunle I probed further? Do I know him? She said No, You don’t know him. He’s in my department. I replied, Oh, okay. I need to see him. The day I saw this guy, I knew there was a problem... I don’t like him but who am I to like him. After the party, I told my friend, I don’t like your guy. Then she said “I don’t like your guy too but you didn’t leave him so I think it’s okay like that. I like Kunle”. I shrugged it off. If you are happy then, no wahala.

DEAR MEN, LOVE BREEDS SUBMISSION

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

I want to talk to you. I have been trying so hard to ignore the push to talk to you but at this very crucial time, it will be suicidal not to talk to you. I really do not know if I am qualified to talk to you seeing that I have just been married for a little over five years while our relationship is officially ten years, our friendship is sixteen years. However, you do not stand at a loss if you choose to read this piece.

I congratulate you for holding your peace this long. It’s crazy living in an environment like ours. I understand perfectly what you are going through and I am optimistic that very soon, we will overcome. It’s just a matter of time.

Let me start by saying, whenever you decide to marry, be very watchful of men that sings submission like an anthem. A real man will emphasize Love before emphasizing Submission. In truth, Love breeds Submission. Love in its purest form. Love, exactly like how Jesus loved us and died for us. A man who loves you will see himself in you. He won’t hurt. He won’t think he’s doing you a favour by helping you out because he knows he’s helping himself out. He will respect you because he knows it automatically means respecting himself. He will fight for you, protect you, enable you to succeed and cheer you on.

He won’t bring you down, he won’t break your spirit, he won’t speak negatively of/about you, and he won’t abuse you physically and emotionally. He will act as a shoulder for you to fall on. In him, you will have peace. Complete peace to be YOU, without any form of pretense or fear.

DO. NOT. LET. ANY. HUMAN. DEFINE. YOUR. HAPPINESS.

I have read horrible things online and chief among is the popular phrase from some misogynist about women who have a voice. I am a woman with a voice. People who know me well will tell you my voice in the physical is not compared to what I write online. However, my voice has never been the reason why I suffered any misfortune either in relationship or marriage. I know a lot of singles are trying to hide their true self. Maybe if I act so quiet and unassuming, maybe I can get a man who will marry me… 

The society has played a major role in throwing all the blames at the women’s feet. It’s vile, filled with male-supremacist and it doesn’t encourage women to be true to themselves. You will have to constantly swim against the tide to get ashore and I must confess to you that it’s worth every stroke and flap.

DEAR MEN, LOVE BREEDS SUBMISSION

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

I want to talk to you. I have been trying so hard to ignore the push to talk to you but at this very crucial time, it will be suicidal not to talk to you. I really do not know if I am qualified to talk to you seeing that I have just been married for a little over five years while our relationship is officially ten years, our friendship is sixteen years. However, you do not stand at a loss if you choose to read this piece.

I congratulate you for holding your peace this long. It’s crazy living in an environment like ours. I understand perfectly what you are going through and I am optimistic that very soon, we will overcome. It’s just a matter of time.

Let me start by saying, whenever you decide to marry, be very watchful of men that sings submission like an anthem. A real man will emphasize Love before emphasizing Submission. In truth, Love breeds Submission. Love in its purest form. Love, exactly like how Jesus loved us and died for us. A man who loves you will see himself in you. He won’t hurt. He won’t think he’s doing you a favour by helping you out because he knows he’s helping himself out. He will respect you because he knows it automatically means respecting himself. He will fight for you, protect you, enable you to succeed and cheer you on.

He won’t bring you down, he won’t break your spirit, he won’t speak negatively of/about you, and he won’t abuse you physically and emotionally. He will act as a shoulder for you to fall on. In him, you will have peace. Complete peace to be YOU, without any form of pretense or fear.

DO. NOT. LET. ANY. HUMAN. DEFINE. YOUR. HAPPINESS.

I have read horrible things online and chief among is the popular phrase from some misogynist about women who have a voice. I am a woman with a voice. People who know me well will tell you my voice in the physical is not compared to what I write online. However, my voice has never been the reason why I suffered any misfortune either in relationship or marriage. I know a lot of singles are trying to hide their true self. Maybe if I act so quiet and unassuming, maybe I can get a man who will marry me… 

The society has played a major role in throwing all the blames at the women’s feet. It’s vile, filled with male-supremacist and it doesn’t encourage women to be true to themselves. You will have to constantly swim against the tide to get ashore and I must confess to you that it’s worth every stroke and flap.

I need to convince you that If Joseph hadn’t spoken his dreams out, maybe his brothers wouldn’t have sold him to Egypt and maybe he wouldn’t have become an international leader. His voice brought him out there to the wolves and his uprightly took him to the throne. If David hadn’t spoken out about his strength and ability to conquer Goliath it would have taken him years to get that same opportunity.

Do not let any man stop you from attaining your goals, achieving your dreams and breaking new grounds. Do not say because you are single, you will not drive a good car, wear a nice cloth and build your own house. Your own man, whom God has ordained for you, will not be intimidated by your success of how big your dreams are. Instead, he will support you and constantly push you to achieve more. You will know it’s him if you are patient and watchful because behind every calculated acts of Love, truth will form like a cloud. Only the patient and reasonable will see.

Don’t let the constant and continuous chauvinistic thoughts or societal pressure push you to make the wrong move. If you have waited this far then, you have no point going for a left-over. There are left-overs among men, Do not marry a Male liability.

(c) Mide Pearl 2016

USA MADE OVER $10,000,000 FROM NIGERIA THROUGH REJECTED VISA APPLICATION

This report from the USA government shows that Nigerians contributed over $10,000,000 to the growing economy of USA through rejected nonimmigrant visa application medium.

Compared to other African countries, Nigerians lead the packs with more than 70% as against Ghana, the next contender. It's pathetic to say the least that young and vibrant Nigerians are leaving in droves to seek greener pastures in other countries. A lot hides under the umbrella of education and vacation to leave the country knowing fully well that they do not intend to come back to Nigeria.

SHERIFF SHITTU: SOMETIMES, THE ROAD GETS FOGGY

Sheriff has experiences spanning years and he worked with the industry leaders. It's so unfortunate that he's closing down showroom.ng

12 Years a hustler, time to go home

I’m exhausted; it’s been roller coaster for the past 12 years having started my first startup then and ever since, it’s been from one to the other.

I really felt I could succeed, I have read the right books, the right blogs, draft right business plan and but in execution I have fallen short. Maybe it’s time to change things a little, something is quite wrong I think.

The height of it was last year end, business was doing fairly well then everything started crashing. Somehow I survived the robbery at gun point in the middle and rally round to try to make things work, but getting worse and every now and then the thought will always come around, what if it all ends here? What if I just have an accident right now (while driving home at 11pm on third mainland bridge)? Maybe it was law of attraction but somehow I had an accident but in the daytime when I didn’t think about it.

I launched showroom.ng almost 2yrs now and within months with all the permutation (maybe strategy) we were on a super roll, the dream roll. I think personally I wasn’t introspective enough as I was just riding with the tide. That’s super wrong for a CEO, “you don’t just work in your company you work on it”, so they say. I only read it, I didn’t live it.

I personally won’t attribute the failure to wrong market, or wrong product. It was a wrong execution.

Maybe this will help

1.      Weak domain expertise: we don’t have that in our team, inasmuch as I tried to learn on the fly, this will fucking take years of learning, practice before charging people. I had personally underwrote mistakes from partner or staff 100%, just so you could make customers happy, but resources are limited we do not have that much and our products are heavy items.

2.      Speed: the edge a startup has over bigger company is suppose to be speed, yeah for a couple of our products we were fast but for so many we were terribly late. Building features, making user experience superb is not my strength, I’m ninja but in the team we didn’t have either or could afford one.

3.      Team setup; success of any endeavor have a lot of tie to the people behind it. Looking back, I’d selected those with; domain expertise, better work ethic (than myself) and complimentary strength.

THE MAN, HIS DOG AND A NAME - LESSONS TO LEARN

The story of Joachim Iroko aka Joe is an unfortunate one. It’s a story of every Nigerian who has no authority or power. It’s our everyday experience in the hands of someone better connected than us. It’s our struggle against the tyranny and oppression from the affluent. It’s symbolizes how our voice can be drown in the ocean of law. It’s a pathetic story of every one of us.

Joe is an average Nigerian, a Nigerian that struggles everyday to put foods on his family table. He has a wife and a kid and he’s expecting another beautiful addition anytime soon. His living condition is not one to be proud of. He’s simply struggling. Struggling to make ends meet, in a country that is flowing with milk and honey but haunted by corruption and poverty.

Joe, like every one of us is angry; angry with the system and the past failures of our leaders. You know, Poverty breeds anger. As a matter of truth, a lot of people are anger has its roots from poverty. People are angry because there are meals to be paid for and there is no money, angry because the school fees are fast approaching and there is no money. We all are racing against time in a country that frustrates every attempt to break even except you are highly connected.

Joe has a neighbor. A non-Nigerian whose father’s name is BUHARI. Joe’s neighbor is not far-away from him. They share the same floor in his rented face-me-I face-you apartment. Without anybody telling us, we can deduce that Joe has been having constant issues with his neighbor. Joe bought a dog and named it Buhari.

His neighbor was angry and he connived with his friend a police officer to arrest Joe. Joe was charged with criminally punishable offence described as “conduct likely to cause breach of peace”. He was remanded in prison until he can perfect his bail bonds.

Reactions from Nigerians followed on social media and print media. A lot of people are angry. People are screaming for his release. It’s been a week full of activities from the pro and anti Joe’s judgment. Unfortunately, despite the whole hullaballoo, the man, Joe, at the middle of this drama is still cooling off in prison. His pregnant wife is an emotional wreck.

There are many lessons to learn from this rather unfortunate but avoidable drama.

I must elaborate on the fact that If you are an average Nigerian with little or no influence from a known authority, you must learn to act in ways that will not bring you in contact with troubles. A lot of times, we know that the just suffers unjustly because they have no voice and we should avoid every means to be in such situation.

• The provision of the law is sovereign and at the same time, the law is blind. If Joe’s lawyer was able to prove to the court that Joe’s action was not premeditated and he didn’t act in a manner worthy of causing chaos, Joe’s wouldn’t be in the cell. Unfortunately, Joe’s doesn’t even have the means to hire a lawyer.

The Rise of Anthonia Alasa Ojenagbon and Silton Kitchen.

• A recipient of Federal Government Youwin Initiative
• Tony Elumelu Entrepreneurship Programme
• She has featured in several Newsprints both locally and internationally.
• She is an advocate of NO To RAPE and the Founder of Bruised But Not Broken. A social cause that speaks against abuse and rape. She survived Rape from a close relative at an early age and that has not stopped her from launching forward.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Read a little about her journey here, in her WORDS.

I am still celebrating Pepperlicious Snails because Pepperlicious Snails and l have come a long way.

Weeks ago life happened again but through it all l am grateful to still be around. Yes, grateful I am still around. When l got the message from Marketing Ministers UK about this award, l didn't know how to express my emotions. Here I am thanking God I am still here, and now this... Hmmn!

I tried to write but didn't know what to write or remember what to write. But in the place of prayer two days ago everything l had forgotten came and dear Lord, you know I am grateful. ‪#‎ObuluJesu

Let me tell you about this darling called Pepperlicious Snails ready to eat. When l started selling snails’ l got lots of encouragement from my class mates at Pan Atlantic University CEM 11 but l didn't think about what would happen after the programme. I thought the patronage would continue, but how wrong I was.

Alas, it was not so. I got so frustrated in my effort to market, l tried all the marketing methods l knew and just everything seem to work against me, of course l became depressed, crying daily became the order of the day, l just wanted to be useful, every day my husband will beg me to keep hope alive, Sylvester will tell Tonia there is greatness inside of you, l will make snails and give out for free so people could just taste and know it’s delicious, l started selling Sunday Jollof rice after services on Sunday, some people will order and will never collect it, they won’t pick their calls, l will be forced to give out the rice, because l am a very creative and restless person, l begged my husband to pay for a new course l went to learn shoe and bag making, l even got a certificate for it.

But you see there is a God who is all knowing .A merciful God who is the father of the fatherless and Helper of the helpless. The God who makes a way where there is no way. The God who sits in Heaven and makes the earth His footstool. The Agbanilagbatan.

In 2012 the federal government program Youwin was for only women, 1200 women were going to be selected from all the geo political zones of Nigeria to get grant to fund their businesses, God in His infinite mercy decided that Pepperlicious snails’ business plan was one of the 1200 finalist. I cannot describe the shock that followed. How can this be possible, 1200 women from the whole Nigeria and my name made the list. How when l don’t know anybody in power, when l don’t have any rich uncle, Immediately l heard my name was among the finalists l started crying and my husband says to me Tonia you should be happy but l was just crying. My joy knew no bound, my tears were wiped away, l didn't have to beg again before my snails were bought. All of a sudden this girl Tonia was intelligent after all.

AFTER MAYOWA AHMED, WHO IS NEXT?

Mayowa’s journey has brought us back to the realization that it’s a long way home. It’s a case that has shown us time and again that we have failed. We have failed as a nation. The news that Mayowa died in a South-African hospital is enough to make us reflect over what our health system has turned into.

Living with sickle-cell is a nightmare on its own. This nightmare often leads to depression in a country like Nigeria. In Nigeria, Most sickle-cell patients’ use over-the-counter analgesics to relieve their pains during crisis because it’s affordable. Government hospitals are lackadaisical when it comes to promptness in attending to patients and privately-owned hospitals are expensive for the average Nigerian. The reason is not far-fetched, the monthly minimum wage for a working Nigeria is less than $70.

Mayowa’s case was an unfortunate one. A case that explains an average Nigerian mindset. A mindset of superstitious and erroneous belief. A mindset that discourages people coming out early to seek for help. Sick people are kept far away by families and relatives. Illnesses are covered up until it becomes unmanageable. The secrecy and attitude of Nigerians to issues concerning health has corroborated the fact that we are still not done with archaic mentalities.

The health system too is completely gone. 

We have no health infrastructure that can detect the simplest of all ailments. The few government hospitals that have these facilities are faced with hundreds of people who are waiting to use the facilities despite the tormenting bureaucracies they have to follow. Dying patients who are calm enough to withstand all hurdles placed by those who are employed and paid by government to manage the facilities are in millions. People are making fortune out of other's predicaments. Humanity is gone and Empathy has been thrown to the dogs.

In the midst of all these, we saw Mayowa, a lady, who fought sickle-cell gallantly for more than twenty years. Except, you take a second look, you won’t know she was a sickle-cell patient. She comes across as someone who enjoys the advantage of a modest family with not-so-much wealth but enough to take care of their needs. Her sickle-cell was managed perfectly by her family until Cancer came knocking.

Her woes were compounded by the terrible state of our healthcare system. For a long time, ovarian cancer was diagnosed as Ulcer. I have seen and read worse things but hers is a mistake that we shouldn’t even be making in 2016. How on earth can a hospital diagnosed cancer as ulcer? So for a very long time, hospitals were billing her family on the premise that she was suffering from ulcer. By the time it was clear that it wasn’t ulcer but ovarian cancer, it was too late. The cancer has metastasized.

I can be so sure that while the whole issues was going on, several people told them to go to churches, mosques and other places to seek help. They would have been duped by fake miracle pastors and Imams. Mayowa would have been made to drink different concoctions all in the name of supernatural healing and just like every mortal who is afraid of death; she would have obliged and struggled with death to stay alive.

THE NIGERIAN EMPLOYER: DISGUISED SLAVERY

The unspoken words of bitterness and slavery still exist among us. Most times, we equate slavery with skin colours and racial divides but, the real slavery is when you treat people below you with disdain. Slavery is not a function of grammar; it’s an act of suppression. An act of maltreating people who have no power to fight back or no will to do so.

Nigerian employers are the worst slave masters. Well, maybe not all but significantly few. However, you can not completely exonerate the Nigerian employee who allow such situations in the first place. There is fear in the land. The fear of not having a job. The fear of losing the job you have and people have knowingly and unknowingly allowed shitty situations and acts from others due to this

I have once worked in a company where I was told that the MD would defecate and call his secretary, a young lady, to flush the toilet. Wait a minute, how on earth can you use the toilet, and find it so hard to flush it off. A task that won’t take you more than 1seconds.

This lady was a victim of verbal assault from her boss. I have witnessed it more than once. I still don’t understand how someone will allow another to degrade and dehumanize them verbally because of a JOB. No way.

There are some things I can’t take. Unfortunately that is me. I am a micro compared to the macro version that abounds. I speak my truth and I own it. I don’t fret. I don’t care. For me, I can pick a job today and resign the next day. I am not conditioned to stay in a job forever. When you take my CV, the first thing you will see under my attribute section is Happiness. My happiness on the job is paramount. If I am not happy doing that job then, I am out.

So I got an invite two years ago with a popular oil Company. If you know me well enough, you will know I have never shy away from my love for oil companies. The only place I dread is a bank. I can’t do bank jobs. No way. I’m not built for the stress in that place. It’s for some special lots.

My referrer for the oil and gas job was the CTO of the company. He stumbled on my profile on LinkedIn and sent me a message to drop my CV because he would like to work with me. I was elated. Immediately, I sent the CV.

A week later, I got the invite. The first interview went well except that everybody wanted to know how I knew the CTO. I told them plainly, I have never met him. However, I have his phone number and how I got his number is another story. I remembered when I called him to request for his email address, he asked how I got his number. I told him and he responded by saying, if you can get my phone number, you can get my email. I think I should be careful with you…. Did I get his email?  Yes I Did.

The second stage of the interview was okay until we got to the last stage or whatever stage they want to call it. The interviewer ushered me into a nicely furnished mini-conference room. He told me how impressed he was with my previous interviews then he started his questions. He asked, If I can make tea for the CTO.