HE TOLD ME A SECRET BUT… I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT IT

This morning, the Lord told me, “Mide, do you know the secret of the life of Joseph?” I responded, “No Lord, I know his story but not his secret” The Lord said, I will tell you… It will help you on this journey…

Joseph was “almost” the last born with just a younger brother called Benjamin. Joseph had many brothers, well-grown brothers who were authorities over him. Joseph had a doting father, who cared for him and showed a special affection for him then Joseph had the GIFT of DREAMS. He could dream. Unfortunately, he was only able to dream but couldn’t interpret them.

One day….

Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it.”

Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers…

 “Listen,” he said, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.”

When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?” His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

At the time Joseph was having these dreams, he only was able to remember but not interpret. He was 17, naïve and the dreams were a bit clear. They needed no interpretation.

Then they sold him to kill his dreams. They thought, if we sell him as a slave, his dreams will die.

Joseph was sold out and he ended up in the prison. From the prison, he moved to the throne as a prime minister in Egypt. The second most influential role anybody could hold in Egypt. He was a stranger, a slave and a prisoner.

But something happened….

The king of Egypt had a DREAM and he was troubled so much that he needed someone to interpret the dream. Someone “REFFERED” Joseph and Joseph was able to meet with the King.

Joseph had GROWN by then. He moved from being a DREAMER to being an INTERPRETER… Fortunately, his interpretation was confirmed and he rose to the exalted position of a prime minister…

The Lord told me, he said “Mide, did any of your pastor ever told you that Joseph’s GIFT got him the position?” I said no. He said “Joseph was sold to you as a child of luck and grace but never a child who worked on his gift”. He said, “The grace of God can place you in front of an opportunity but your skills, your preparation, your talent will give you the opportunity”

If Joseph hadn’t improved on himself, he wouldn’t have been able to be useful to the King and he wouldn’t have gotten to that position…

God gives us gifts. We all have Talents. He said “Mide, I have given every man a Talent. Something to set them apart. I have built them for a purpose but I won’t compel them to use the talent. They must be awake in the spirit to know the talent. They must work to hone the talent. They must do their part. I have done my part and I am not going to do their parts for them.

He said… my grace works without hindrance. If Joseph had been sold to Syria, the King of Syria would have had the dream that the King of Egypt had. The king of Egypt was not a believer but he had the dream because it was time for me to showcase Joseph.

Then he said… Your Gift will make way for you. He went further; I need you to also learn some other things…

NUMBER 1

It took seven years for the dream to come to pass. Seven years of plenty and seven years of famine. He said “Mide, in those seven years, Cannan and other states cum countries had plenty to eat. It was a period of waste. A period of merriment but it was in that period that Egypt saved most… Mide, in your period of plenty, you must learn to save in other to triumph over your period of famine.

NUMBER 2

He said “Do you noticed that the first disapproval Jospeh got was from his own people. His family, his blood. When your vision is too big, people will attack it. People will shut you up and try to shut you down. Never let that stop you from improving. Never let it stop you from believing in your dreams. No one can stop your dream except YOU.

NUMBER 3

Do you also notice that despite the fact that he was sold into slavery, I orchestrated his move to the throne. I didn’t stop. I worked with Pharaoh’s heart and gave him a disturbing dream. I made sure Jospeh was called upon. Mide, never ever forget that despite the hurdles, the tribulations and the trials, that I will never leave you alone. I am with you. I will walk and work with you. I will bring whatever I have promised you to pass. I don’t look at people’s opinion to fulfill my promise. I am always going to make it work for you.

NUMBER 4

He said “Joseph was referred by someone who had been in contact with him in the prison. Someone who knows him and understands his core strength. What is your core strength Olamide? Every day, I bring people into your life. They see you, meet you and have an impression about you but what is their impression? What do you do? What is your strength? Your core competence? Your skill? Your area of specification? Can people refer you? For what will they refer you?

NUMBER 5

Do you also know that I blessed Jospeh based on his TALENT, just like many people have been famous and wealthy for their Talents… Ronaldo, Opray and so many famous people who rose to the position of prominence through their talents. Do you know why so many stars have gone dim? Because those who were meant to identify and nurture them have killed them.

You are a mother Olamide, I have given Talents to your children. I need you to identify the talent and nurture it. Don’t kill it. Don’t look down on it. Don’t tell your daughter “You talk too much”. Don’t tell your son “You sing too much” Don’t rebuke them for telling you dreams. Don’t kill the spirit I have placed in them..

When the Lord was done with me… he said “Set forth… The time is now”

He speaks to me EVERYDAY… I have a personal relationship with him that extends beyond synagogues and religious gratification… I listen to him and I have seen him do wonders for me…

Is he also talking with you?

AUDACITY TO BE DIFFERENT

Never let the outer Noise drown you inner voice

This morning, I held my son’s hand as I prepare him for school and told him “You know, you don’t have to fit in, you know you have absolute right to be different?” He shook his head affirmatively.

This week, I had a lengthy discussion with an older friend on phone and I told him “I do not intend to raise normal kids”. By all standards, I want to raise a completely different kid from what the society is preaching.

I have often asked, who made some rules we are bending to? Why must I follow these rules?

My driver had an issue with my driving. He thinks it’s absurd to use two legs to drive an automatic car. “That is not how to drive automatic. Just use one leg to drive.” He blurted out. I looked at him and asked. Who made the rule?

I have been driving my automatic for two years with two legs and I have not killed anyone, I have not been arrested once and I have not broken any rules (Well, at least I have not been caught breaking any rules)

Majority of us are trying hard to fit into a non-existent rules ​that the society foist on us. We have not even asked the right questions. Why should I and why shouldn’t I? What would happen and what wouldn’t. We are just following the crowd.

And most times, because you dared to be different, because you dared to make your own rules, people will suddenly start picking fights. Like seriously, I don’t need to think the way you think. If you would ask me, I don’t want to think the way you think.

So, people try to pretend to be who they are not for years, they try to fit in and blend with the norm, they feel little and unfit to challenge the rules and ask questions that could lead to freedom.

People just blend in. They listen to the outer noise and neglect the inner voice. They lose their identity and when they realize it’s gone, it’s always late.

I do not know how I came about my “rebellious” attitude but I have always challenged rules. Some rules holding you back are non-existent.

Some ladies still think being single and buying a car will chase a husband material away. I rather think any man that will run because you have a car doesn’t operate on the same frequency with you. Echo and Noise isn’t the same thing.

Unknowingly, some of us are passing the same hindrance to our children. You tell your son to go to Church, he asked you why and you answered “Because I said so”. That is the dumbest answer to give an inquisitive child. You should tell them why they should go to church and not force them to go to church.

Just so we know, the society can never be better than the mindset of its inhabitants.

A growing society is a product of a growing mind. Don’t fit in. Be different.

...FRIENDS APART, DIGNITY IN LABOUR

When people come into my life, I don't let them go easily. I treasure every memory of them that I have left. I don't do friends but the few ones I have, I can literally "kill" for them.

As the norm, there are friends we have who are closer to us, there are those who have crossed the acquaintance line but they are still not our bosom friends. Back in the university, I kept quite a number of friends who were more than acquaintances.

There was this particular guy back then, I just liked him. Back then in school, something about him quietly screamed "Once a bad guy". I think I have asked him couple of times if he had his ear pierced and he said No but I saw the glaring signs.

I love guys with studs in their ears but not tattoos. My ex got a stud in his ear because of me. When I tried it with Tosin, he went spiritual speaking in diverse tongues. He said that thought was from a pit of HELL and any man that use stud will go to Hell-fire.

When I had my beautiful son, I wanted him to use stud and Tosin told me "I am free to go to Hell-fire alone but I shouldn't drag anyone along 
Sometimes, I wondered how we met sef.. lol

Sorry for the digression... Back to my story...

He was a friend to a friend and those guys were just like my faraway family. We bonded like family and it was usual for us to talk every now and then.

Two months back, I saw a fully dressed LASTMA guy walked out of a Bank as I tried to lock the car. He caught my attention. This guy looks perfectly like my University friend.

He saw me, took his eyes off and walked away. I did a double check. "I am not mistaken or am i?" I couldn't get an answer.

On my way out of the Bank, I told myself it wasn't him but someone who shared a striking resemblance with him. As I was driving off after the bank transaction, our eyes met again. He was at his duty point. He looked away. Completely ignored me. Oh, I missed my friend. I thought, as I drove off.

Today, I was around the area again and I saw him at his duty point. He was directing vehicles and there was a bit of traffic build-up.

I looked at him, except for the fact that he has added weight; he looked exactly like my University friend. I tried to check his ear out but I couldn't.

Immediately I got to his side, I asked if he was once a Ladokite. "Did you Schooled in Lautech?" I asked.

He smiled, took his hand into my car and shook my hand then he said "Lammy". I screamed. I actually screamed my lungs out.

It was quick. Cars were behind me and impatiently blaring. I drove off and suddenly this sadness enveloped me.

He knew me all along. He knew me when he saw me at the bank. He knew me when our eyes met again and he just acted like he didn't. Why will anybody do that? No, this is totally unacceptable.

I wanted to turn back and asked that we go out for lunch and catch up with life but it isn't worth it.

My friends should see me after many years of separation and feel comfortable slapping me and patting me at the same time. There is no point nurturing this friendship again.

Some things are better left as they were.

I feel sad though.

SmartWork Or HardWork

Let's have a cerebral discussion... We all can learn from each other.

I have always believed that so many factors contribute to what a child will turn out to be in life. Aside God-factor, I know the family a child is born into, The schools they attended, The friends they made, the neighborhood (environment and country inclusive) they grew up goes a long way to mold his future. This is my truth.

I also believe this goes a long way to determine the orientation of a child. Our generation had some training from our parents and that has changed our orientation. Some of us went to school carrying slates and chalks. Some had to cut grass for being late and some even had it rough fetching water from the stream.

This new generation will not understand majority of what we experienced. A slate makes no meaning to my son who got his own tablet at age 2. Washing clothes and fetching water makes no sense to my son because there is a washing machine and taps everywhere in the house that supply water. I deviated. Let’s get back to the discussion.

I started my education from a Public Primary school (Methodist Primary School) and I was told to withdraw because I was not staying in class. At age four, I went back home. For two years, I served my punishment by staying at home. At age six, my father did me a huge favour. He enrolled me in one of the best Private Nursery school in my state to start from Nursery one. You see, that singular favour changed my life. That singular favour molded me to be ME.

I met fantastic people there whose friendship I still have till date. My talents were discovered and I must say I was groomed to be the best. I remember my younger brother had a very rough time at Christ School until my dada changed his school to a private secondary school. That “Change” actually made him a PILOT today.

I however believe that we need to unlearn so many things. Some of us are becoming the parents our parents were. We are interchanging smart upbringing with hard upbringing. When we went to schools, we had it rough and tough. Teachers bullied us to silence. We were seen but not heard. University education was worse. Lecturers slept with a lot of girls and messed up their lives.

The country we lived in contributed to it. There is a culturally roadblock that says an elder is always right. There is culturally hurdle of silence. That empowered a lot of evil to thrive.

However, while we are still basking in the glory of the 18^th century, where a child needs to go to school and walk a long distance before he can get knowledge, some people are already living in the present. They sit at home or in the convenience of their offices and attend classes virtually. Online Virtual class, either real-time or recorded.

It’s however unfortunate that our children will also compete with these children who finds live easy and amusing just like we are competing with the likes of Zuckerberg. It’s hard to try to judge a child who grew up under a constrained environment with no opportunity to succeed with another who had life practically read out like a script.

See, it’s hard enough for us to raise kids in this clime. I have always loved Nigeria. Never has it crossed my mind to relocate but sincerely, I have thought about the future of my two kids in comparison with the same child in Canada or USA. I have told myself repeatedly that it’s a great disservice to expect the same excellent return from my son in comparison to a Jude’s son in Atlanta.

I then realized that it’s completely wrong to judge my son based on the old yardstick my parents used. In our parent’s days, Entrepreneurship wasn’t a thing of joy. Life was written in sequential order. Go to school, get education, earn a degree, graduate and look for a job. It wasn’t about starting your company. It was about looking for a job.

Today, the tide has changed. Digital revolution is taking place. The whole system is completely fizzled. The greatest car hire industry doesn’t have a car of its own. The biggest store doesn’t have a shop. Amazon works virtually yet has no physical store. We now have driver-less cars. You can now earn a degree without entering the class. It’s a crazy revolution.

We cannot afford to drive our kids hard without driving them smart. Unlike the old time of Hardwork, it should be SmartWork now. Hardwork won’t pay all the bills. Smartwork will.
It’s completely wicked to leave our kids at the same analogue mode of thinking and expect them to be better positioned than a child who schooled in Europe and comes back home to pick a lucrative job.

We need to help our kids sieve through the needless criteria and prioritize what is good what them. If we can’t give them the opportunity to see the world through another continent, we should not enmesh them in our old unproductive ways.

If we want a better future for our kids, we should give them a better script.

THE CAMOUFLAGE OF LOVE AND BROKENNESS OF TRUTH

Internet has brought along many advantages and one of it is the fact that the world no longer looks big. The world is already a village where everyone lives apart but communicates in nanoseconds. Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp and even Satellite Television have made it possible to connect to people real-time online. The barrier is broken. Happenings and events around the world affects us all now.

In a nutshell, all sensational news is another reason to birth writers and orators. Everyone is a genius in their own right. Since there is a free platform, everyone wants to outshine the other in the race of opinion. It’s becoming an unhealthy competition.

In just two days, I have seen over 30 updates from people who claimed to have been depressed at one point in time. Everyone is suddenly a master at treating depression and mental instability. Speak out is the new chorus. From the end of the street to the other, from Facebook to Twitter, I have seen over a thousand “Speak Out” updates and I ask, are we still living in this clime? Speak out to whom?

In less than 48 hours, some people have seen reasons to drag this administration through the mud just because a precious life was wasted. Oh, it’s recession. It’s this, it’s that. Buhari is evil. They say, sometimes, when the foolish keep quiet in the gathering of the wise, he will be mistaken for a wise man. If you have no facts, don’t spread fallacies. It shows the world how shallow you are 

Depression is not a new thing. Depression is not 2017 compliant. The only difference is “the world is digital and connected and we get to hear what happen from one end of the globe to another in a matter of seconds”.

When I was in Primary school, a teacher, committed suicide by slitting her own throat and as little as I was, I still remember a  jovial, wealthy, married and pretty woman. It was her third attempt and she succeeded. Later, sketchy news came that she was barren and married to a popular wealthy man. She was battling depression for long and she couldn’t take it anymore. Depression and suicide is as old as the Jewish calendar just like racism in America but the difference is there is camera to capture a racist event in 2017.

And the association of speak out and talk to me, are making it hard for depressed people to speak out. It’s unfortunate that social media is full of decay coated in glitters and shimmers. We have not progressed to a level where we can digitally detect a lying post so we can thread with caution.

You, the Business Manager of a financial institution who gave out the names of your subordinates you considered a threat and watched them get sacked for absolutely no offence committed. They were diligent, they met their targets, they had fantastic appraisals but because you have the power to nominate someone, you picked your threat and threw her to the sharks. In her tears, you spoke to her softly promising to see what you can do yet rejoicing in her downfall. You have the audacity to come online to tell a depressed soul to speak out to you? The poor lady, whose job you took away and threw into uncertainty, whose life you rearranged and gave insomnia because she has devoted all her life working for the same organization, she is dejected and downcast with no hope for where her house rents or her kids school fees is coming from and you say someone should TALK TO YOU?

Hello madam lioness, vomiting fire and brimstone. On social media, people can’t comment on your post. No, they dare not make a simple joke. All sarcasm is lost on you. You are quick to tear and break. Condescending and arrogantly abusing people yet telling them to OPEN UP TO YOU. Who dare? You can’t hold a cane and tell a crying child to come closer. It’s impossible.

The volcanic boss, full of derogatory and debasing remarks. All your subordinates are afraid of you. You are the reason why someone is taking sleeping pills every day. You are rude and uncouth. You abuse people without having regard for their humanity. You are the F.E.A.R that lives in people. You are the reason why people are resigning. You have brought men to their knees and gave tears to a shaky soul. You see no good in your staff, always complaining and pulling them down. You too, you have the audacity to tell someone to OPEN UP? You, the reason why someone will still commit suicide in the nearest future? You are acting all loving on social media.

The almighty mother-in-law. You are dreaded by all your son’s wives. Your name rings fear. You are the one who decides the fates of another human. You decide how long a woman stays with your son. The rule is clear. They must worship you. The chocomilo mother-in-law. Good day ma. You too, who have made life so unbearable for your son-in-law to the extent that you went to pack your daughter loads from his house while raining curses on him. You want people to talk to you? You, the reason why another man/woman is slipping into the state of depression. You have suddenly become a listening ear telling all and sundry to come and talk to you

Slay Sister. Sister-in-law of life. Pepperdemgang. Scatter dem, Dem dey craze, gangster leader. You also want people to talk to you? You have suddenly become a preacher. You, that threw another woman’s load out of your brother’s house because you said she is barren. In the mightiness of your power and the majesty of your throne, you already passed a judgment of condemnation on a being you didn’t create. The infertility problem, that your brother is the cause because he has  low sperm count and has refused to go to the hospital for check-up. You decided enough is enough and drove another woman out of her rightful home. You called her barren, evil and witch. You taunted her and killed her with words. Every night, she drowns in her own tears as she waits to take her own life. You come here to say “Talk to Me” Who is going to talk to you?

Oyoyo 1, Omalicha, Osampete, Adanma, Adanne, Queen of Instagram. After you na you. You too, you are telling them to talk to you? Have you forgotten, your own blood sister, whose husband you are sleeping with, the same man fueling all your expenses. You took him away from your sister at least in the spirit as you mesmerize him with your sex styles. Your sister knows but she is too sad to talk. She is ashamed. She is contemplating suicide and you are here saying “TALK TO ME”

Uncle Bros, Six inches John Thomas. You have injured all the ladies in town. 56 abortions carried out by 12 women all in your name. You have slept with sisters and their mother. You have promised marriage to over 20 women. You have proposed with rings to over 5 ladies. You are the Lord of the rings. The reason why many ladies cry to bed every night. You promised them love, took away their dignity and now, you are blackmailing them. You have all their nude pictures, demanding money every now and then. Yet, you are surprised that a man committed suicide. Do you know the number of women you have dragged through the dark pit of depression? You are also telling them to TALK to YOU

Mr. lecturer, the randy rabbit. You have failed more than 20 girls intentionally. They must sleep with you before they can pass. That girl, who suddenly lost weight, is dying slowly because you will not graduate her. He mother is ill. Her father is dead. She took her school fees on loan hoping to graduate and get a job to take care of her sick mother and her younger ones. Yet, you are keeping her because she has decided not to fulfil your carnal desire. She is dying slowly; crumbling under the heavy weight you have made her to bear yet, you come online to say TALK TO ME.  Who are you?

Should we continue?

The Mummy GO, The Aunty Usher, The Choir Master…

Or the Facebook Group Cabals and witches coming up to devour a struggling and depressed soul. Ganging up against her and speaking ill of another in your coven. You passed judgment on issues you have no understanding of… You want them to TALK to YOU?

Until we learn to be involved in people’s struggle and take them as our own selves, NOBODY will open up to you. NOBODY will TALK TO YOU. You cannot hold a cane and expect a child to come near…

We all have work to do. It’s beyond 48 hours write-up and social media competition of who is the most depressed. It’s a joint action to stop adding burdens to the load of others. Instead, lift them up and soften the burden. If you have nothing good to say to people, keep quiet.

HOUSE CHORES, WHOSE CALL?

I am putting this piece from www.musingsandthots.com here and please read it here: http://musingsandthots.com/lets-talk-about-house-chores-2/ http://musingsandthots.com/lets-talk-about-house-chores-2/. It's a piece i wrote for the site and I am sending this backlink right back.

Collins dictionary define house chores as tasks such as cleaning, washing, and ironing that have to be done regularly at home.  Simply put, house chores are routine work we do at home.

Over the years, a lot of argument for and against whose duty is to handle house chores have been discussed among the millennials. In most developed nations, there seems to be a balance on who handles what however, in Africa a lot of ladies born in the 70’s downward believes that house chores is not “Her Job” but “Our job” while those born in the 60’s upward tends to tilt toward the existing tradition of house chores being “her job”.

The primordial belief is that house chores is the responsibility of the woman and that wasn’t too much of a problem back then because the women were known to be housekeepers while the men were the breadwinners. It was easy for the woman to do all the chores albeit rather grudgingly. In those days, women were trained to be seen and not heard and if at all there was any dissatisfaction with the modalities of task sharing, it would amount to an act of arrogance and insubordination for a woman to vent out her dissatisfaction. That way, women bore all the burdens without showing any form of refusal.

As the years progressed, women became more aware and empowered. Most especially, women started competing with men academically. In Africa, it took a while for parents to allow their girl-child to embrace education.  Education gave women almost the same opportunity it gave men. Women can now compete for jobs like men and that gave them opportunity to work away from home. Unfortunately, while men were a bit relaxed, believing that they stand a chance to secure majority of the available white-collar jobs, women work harder and smarter.

The extra energy exerted by women on their jobs gave them the opportunity to outshine men. Slowly, employers started offering women leading roles and because women were shattering the glass ceilings, meeting and exceeding expectations, promotions was regular and  employers were opening their doors to more women. Currently, we have over 45% of women working as against what was attainable in the 80’s.

The effect of this is glaring for all to see. Women are no longer the stay-at-home mum they used to be. The role of the breadwinner is no longer exclusive to men. Fortunately for the woman, the economic situation makes it burdensome for only the man to be the breadwinner. The outcome is what we are experiencing today. The man and his wife are both working to make ends meet and meet the financial conditions of the family while the house chores are there, waiting to be attended to.

Let’s take a place like Lagos, Nigeria as an example. Commuters spend almost 3-hours in traffic on a daily basis and this includes both the man and his wife.  The woman wakes up early to take care of the kids and prepare them for school while cooking the morning meal for the family. The man wakes up to take his bath and await his wife’s breakfast.  The  couple dash out to work, face the same challenges at work, gets tired and worn-out and at home, the wife still drags her tired self to the kitchen  to prepare dinner, feed the kids, bathe them and get them ready to go to bed.

The man on the other hand, faced with the same work challenges like the wife, got home tired too, took his evening bath and wait for his wife at the dining table. After the meal, he retires to bed and expect his wife to meet him for the conjugal obligation. He needs her touch to soothe him and caress him. The woman on the other hand, has no one to help out and ease her pain.

Research shows that people die from stress much more than they die from ailments. Stress is one of the principal killers of young people. That is why a lot of women are depressed and they are not even aware. A lot of women are moody, introverted, unkempt and sad because they are cracking under a heavy burden placed on them by culture and ancient male-chauvinism.

Sincerely, I do not think it worthy of my time to argue on if it’s okay for a man to help out with house chores. It’s more of asking if it’s proper for men to be in the labour room or if it’s proper for men to help in raising the kids. I believe that marriage, unlike the lies they sold to us, is not a prison yard for women. Marriage is not a place where you lose your identity. Marriage is not a place where you pretend to be a super woman. Marriage is your reality. Marriage should exude the real you. No pretense, no lies.

Marriage by all means should be with your friend, who understands what it means to help out with chores. The truth is, if by luck or chance, we get entangled with a man who still carries the garbage of male dominance around, we will have no choice than to bear the brunt of house chores alone.

Basically, for a learned man, who understands that women are as much human as he’s and women have limit to which they can bear and tolerate burden, it shouldn’t come as a request from his woman to help out with the house chores. Naturally, he should help out.

Furthermore, we need to constantly remind ourselves as women that whatever we speak ill against emanate from us. We train the men and we have trained them to believe that the house chores are for women alone. That is why we can allow our male child to go and play football while the female child is at home cooking. We need to start unlearning those wrong beliefs we learnt.

Cooking, washing clothes, washing plates, ironing, sweeping and every other house chores were learnt. The female child went through training before mastering them. They are not virtues, they are not gifts. Just like knowledge, they are learnt, acquired over time. The female child is not born preconfigured with them. She learnt them at the feet of someone. The male-child can learn this too.

Chores are not exclusive to a particular gender. When we take a look at life through the eyes of humanity, setting aside all arrogance, we will see the need to help each other. Chores shouldn’t be Her Job, it’s Our Job.

There is Work Ahead...

Last month, I read on Facebook, A woman’s cry for help. The woman, a widow with kids met a married guy on Facebook group and they started dating in secret. The guy slept with her countless times and even made some cash from her then the bombshell; the guy was also sleeping with another widow he met in the same group. Unfortunately, the first woman is HIV positive and she didn’t deny it yet the guy slept with her without protection. The lady also said she believed the guy is HIV positive because of some stuff that happened while they were still together. To summarize everything, the guy started blackmailing the woman and threatened to expose her. The smart woman came out and told people and turned the table against the guy.

Today, I read another story from a heartbroken man whose wife of several years, the mother of his five kids aged 16 downward, started sleeping with younger men she met on Facebook. The man saw the clips the guys made and were using to blackmail the wife and he saved her by using military authority to arrest them and retrieve the recorded videos. As I write, the culprits are still in detention.

Sometimes back, a sister came to me to help her publish the nudes of her husband and two different married women. The women were sexting with the guy and somehow the chats got into wrong hands. The two women are married with kids.

Either we accept it or not, there is fire on the mountain and no one is immune to it. Not even the saints as long as you have families, you can get caught in the web of shame sprawling like a fierce fire in the harmattan. Ask Miss Anambra family members and they will tell you the meaning of transferred shame.

When we were younger, the bad eggs could be easily ignored. We know them in schools and communities. They were the ones our parents told us to be careful of. Their parents were not even covering them up and the community labelled them bad eggs. It was easy for us to be caught hanging out with them and someone will quietly tell our parents they saw us hanging out with the bad one. Correcting us and putting us on the right track was so easy back then because there were little negative vibes around to contaminate us except for the few Lagos kids that comes around to the village during festive period and because we didn’t build enough friendship with them to get polluted. There was no Facebook, No Phones and no means of communication except writing letters. It was easy to protect our minds and sanity.

The situation is different now. There are people who are already condemned but they are everywhere on social media, connecting with us and making friendship.

Back then, in schools, some good kids were easily swayed and polluted by the bad ones they mingled with and people were quick to point out that they changed because they started frolicking with a particular bad one.  Some got pregnant; some spent years failing exams and some became cultist and all the bad things you can think of.

And very much like the truth, a lot of kids simply lack self-esteem and self-realization and they were simply following the footsteps and directions of others. Those ones, who were fragile and unsure back then, have grown to adults. Married and scattered everywhere but the majority of them still lack self-esteem. Some are even trying to come out of it now by seeking validation, making many virtual friends and writing personal stories to garner more confidence and unfortunately keep followers. Many have said so many things about themselves and partners that shouldn’t even be in the open. There is a difference between being open and being out rightly uncouth.

Now, what do we have? Millions of people, with failed and tacky background on social media tampering with the sanity of the few timid cultured ones. I was added to a group back then and a woman was saying she smokes and even went further to say there is no biggie to it and was encouraging women to try it, Someone said she has slept with everything except animal, I read so many creepy things and I quietly left the group.

Somebody told me the other time, Mide, I was almost going mad, After reading all the post on SEX and all, I started trying it in my marriage and one day, my husband couldn’t hide his annoyance when he said I should stop sending him sex messages at work. He wanted to know who I have been talking to and the sudden change. “This is not the woman I married”. I was just giggling.

The truth is, our kids are getting exposed to negative vibes. Someone who didn’t succeed in her marriage will automatically turn to a marriage counselor. Someone who has attitude problems and never had a guy showing interest in her will turn to a feminist. Someone who smokes, drinks and never kept her home as a woman will become the admin of a group that some women will be looking up to as mentor.

There is a huge gap. The younger ones are looking for mentors but they can’t find any so they have turned to social media and picked on the wrong set of people. That is why a book about how a marriage failed will sell out on Amazon in 3days while a book on how to build your marriage will not sell 10copies. We are now celebrating irrelevancies.

And that is why you need to brace up and be the mentor your kids’ desire and long for. That is if you have the attributes of a mentor. That is why you should be more concerned now because someone in faraway North Carolina, Who never stepped foot on the soil called Nigeria will have so much influence on your child and make them do the unthinkable.

It’s a small world. If you still want to groom kids who have it put together, get involve now. Who are they joining on social media? Who are their friends? What group do they belong to? What chats are they sending? What chats are they responding to? You need to know now.

IS HE CHEATING OR WHEN WILL HE CHEAT?

It’s Friday and I think it's “okay” to discuss this subject matter.

I have heard it uncountable times… They say “all men cheat and if he hasn’t cheated on you yet, just wait, he will still do it”… I must confess, that is some crazy shit.

No matter how “hard or strong or whatever feminine adjective” you want to use, as a woman, it will bug you… Like sometimes, you will ask yourself the question without any hope for an answer… “Will this guy still cheats on me?”

A respected male friend, who is older and have a relationship with God told me once… “Babe, all men cheats”. Sometimes, they do it and snap out of it and never go back and sometimes, they get carried away. So I asked him, Did you at any time cheats on your wife and he answered in the affirmative with a but “I later realized I was wrong and stopped it”

Okay… this morning, I walked up to lehubs to ask him “dude, have you cheated on me since we got married? He looked at me and said “Mide, wo o, it’s too early for your jamb question. I need to go to work. I’m late already” he noticed I wasn’t going to bulge so he said No and you know it’s No so why are you bothering yourself?

Wait a minute, am I actually bothering myself? (A question I ask myself often)

So I asked again, when are you likely going to cheat? Let me know now o so that I can start planning my reaction….he smiled dryly and looked away forming activities… You know I won’t let this go away like that…So I said, you heard me dude…

His response was…”Did Baba Adeboye cheats on his wife? I responded are you Baba Adeboye?

Did Baba Oyedepo cheat on his wife? Are you Oyedepo?

Did Oyakhilome cheat on his wife? See, I don’t like the direction this response is going… Who are you calling next?

Just answer the question Yes or No…. but wait, was I actually waiting for an answer?

Guys can be funny.. Some of you are cheating already and you know it… 

Olorun a wo ola oja oni, ola jimoh, a fi tu asiri yin. Asiri yin ma to tu.

DEAR SINGLE LADY, PROTECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM...

Dear Nigerian Single Lady,

PROTECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, YOU WILL NEED IT FOR THE DAYS AHEAD.

This is a real life story. A sad one I will say. When I was in the university, I met a wonderful lady. It was during the registration time and as freshers in the university, a lot of people were at the hall to perfect their registration. I am not one to make friends easily but in the midst of the hustling and bustling, I rested my eyes on a beautiful lady. It was love at first sight. So acting on impulse, I walked up to her. “Hello, I am Olamide”, I told her. Oh, I am Maria (not real name) she replied. Right there,I asked her “Can I be your friend?” and she said “Why not we can be friends”.

...Her intelligence, Innocence, Humility and Friendliness shone from afar. She is a very intelligent lady. A very self-assured lady too.

We became friends and we are still friends. I did almost all the visiting and talks. Well, somehow in my heart deep down, I knew at some point, she got really tired of my friendship. I was obsessed with her and immediately I found out she was getting really tired of our friendship, I backed out to let her breathe well.

Those traits I saw in her the first day were actually a tip of the iceberg. She is a woman full of good virtue. She is nice to a fault, never saying a bad word, careful to hurt people, intelligent, caring, considerate, humble, submissive and a listener.

You know in 100level, a lit bit of dating here and there. We were just admitted to the university and the boys were coming in droves well, maybe not for me but for her. A lot of genuine guys were on her case. She would tell me, I don’t want to get involved. I don’t want to see them. I was always the mediator, always collecting wine and chocolates on her behalf from suitors. She would say, Lammy, please I don’t need this wine because I don’t want to date this guy and it’s morally wrong. I always have an answer for her. Babes, abeg collect am and eat something. Who says you should date them. Just chop and clean mouth. She would insist it was wrong for me to do that… In my mind I was always like, which kind babe be this.

A lot of good guys came along and she just wasn’t interested. Those guys left after a while. By the time we were in 200level, we weren’t that close because her hostel was a mile apart from mine and I was always the one visiting her and… I started dating so the whole stuff was taking my time. You know dating is a lot of work especially if it’s a first time. First time I was dating in my whole life and my friend didn’t like my boyfriend and somehow the feeling is mutual, my boyfriend too didn’t like her so, I just decided to boycott her side to save the friction.

One day, my friend called me. I was already tied down with politics. I was vying for a post in the student union election and I was involved in campaign and all that stress. We were in 200level. Her birthday was coming in weeks and she is celebrating it. Something told me that was a bit unusual so I dug further. “Babe, this is not you. You are a conservative and introverted lady who naturally would not even contemplate marking her birthday in this way. What happened to you?” Then she told me, I am dating Kunle (real name) and he said I must mark my birthday in a big way.

Kunle? Who is Kunle I probed further? Do I know him? She said No, You don’t know him. He’s in my department. I replied, Oh, okay. I need to see him. The day I saw this guy, I knew there was a problem... I don’t like him but who am I to like him. After the party, I told my friend, I don’t like your guy. Then she said “I don’t like your guy too but you didn’t leave him so I think it’s okay like that. I like Kunle”. I shrugged it off. If you are happy then, no wahala.